Slinky Swirly Sanji
by Yours truly - Pride
Summary: "Some people are like slinkies - useless and good-for-nothing, but bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs." A Zoro and Sanji bromance (sorta) and rivalry fic. Oneshot. Do read, enjoy and review. Rated T for my language.


**DISCLAIMER: I do not own One Piece or any of its characters.**

* * *

Narrator's Perspective

'Thoughts'

"Speech_" _

"**Attacks/Raised Voices"**

_Settings- Place and Time_

_Dreams_

* * *

**Slinky Swirly Sanji**

An One Piece original fanfiction

* * *

"Mmmnnn Nami-chwannnn~"

"A burrito? Of course, I'll whip one up for you right nowww! Or even better, I'll be your burritooo~," the blonde-haired cook mumbled in his sleep with a wide grin on his barely-conscious face, and rolled over into an imaginary burrito.

He puffed on an imaginary cigarette as he continued wiggling about and rolled over, still barely awake.

**THUMP**

"YOU STUPID MARIMO WH- wait, what?" he got up into a sitting position and looked around for the culprit who pushed him onto the ground.

"Oh…must've rolled off the bed in my sleep…"

Looking out of the window, he noticed the faint hints of light and the fresh rays of dawn peek out over the horizon.

'The sun's gonna rise soon anyways, no point in going back to sleep now. Guess I'll just go and find something to occupy myself with…,' the cook reluctantly got up on his feet and found his way out of the boys' shared room.

Aimlessly pacing about the ship, he found the crew's resident swordsman sitting on the ground while balancing two Franky-sized rocks on each arm.

Hearing the click-clack of the cook's boots growing closer, even in his state of meditation, Zoro opened his eyes to see Sanji pace towards him, a bleary look in his eyes.

A sly grin grew over Zoro's face, as he set his rocks down.

"Happy Birthday, shit cook," he said, while rubbing the back of his head awkwardly. He really did NOT want to say that.

But unfortunately, Robin had drilled some manners (albeit only a little) into him, a thick hard-backed tome in hand, and a playful glare on her face.

Zoro smirked at the memory, painful as it was.

And he was only being civil and polite to Sanji just this once of his own free will. Of course, it wasn't like he didn't want to disappoint Robin or anything…

"Heh, who knew the marimo could be well-mannered and nice for once?" Sanji smirked, placing a cigarette between his teeth and lighting it.

"Don't push it, swirly-brows...," Zoro warned.

His Cheshire cat-like grin returned to his face even as his glare faded away.

"Say, shit-cook. Doesn't it feel a little…chilly right now? A little breeze, a cold draft; surely you must feel something?"

"Now that you mention it…it does feel particularly cold right now…"

"And what can you deduce from that?" Zoro's smirk widened. Doesn't matter if the idiot cook didn't get it the first time…it'd just make it even more worth it when he did.

"Hmm…based on what I've heard sweet Nami-chwan say before…maybe there are monsoon winds blowing in this direction? That would mean that we can expect a heavy rains and storms pretty soon if this part of the Grand Line is as predictable as that."

Snapping out of his serious musings, Sanji wiggled about in glee.

"Nami-chwan would be so proud of me for having concluded that!"

Zoro was fighting to hold down his mirth at that. It was time to let the cat out of the bag, time to break the news, time to smash the piñata.

"No, you stupid, idiotic, brainless, dense, good-for-nothing cook…"

.

.

.

"…it means you're not wearing any pants, dumbass!"

Having finally said it, Zoro toppled over laughing, holding onto his weights for support.

Sanji glanced down at his bare legs, devoid of even boxers, and yelped.

He ran back to the boys' room as though his life depended on it (Not like the sea kings were going to care about his state of dressing, and seeing as there was no one else to see him in that state at that time of day…) and returned, clad in his signature black pants.

"Alright, now…WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT EARLIER, BASTARD?" the cook yelled out at his rival, spit flying in all directions.

"It was too amusing; of course I wouldn't want to spoil the fun, idiot," Zoro grinned finding the situation hilarious despite the cook's unbridled fury.

"What if Nami-swan, Robin-swan or Ivy-swan **(1)** saw me in that state, you insensitive fool?! What would have happened to their impressions and opinions of me?!"

"Nothing would have happened, obviously. They probably don't have much of an opinion of you, anyways. And Ivy is still in the other world, you retard," Zoro smirked.

He cackled with glee when he heard something snap. Must've been Sanji's last nerve of patience. The straw that broke the camel's back. Whoops.

"Oh snap-," Zoro taunted, leaping backwards to dodge Sanji's foot that shot at his head.

"YOU BASTARD!"

This started a special birthday-edition of their daily brawl as they threw insults at each other while sparring.

"I probably shouldn't have expected more from you, you stupid green-furred dog!" Sanji spat.

"You little- Well, guess I can't take useless people like you too seriously. People like you…you're like slinkies. Useless, good-for-nothing, but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs," at this point his eyes gained an evil glint that momentarily scared Sanji.

Unfortunately, Sanji had no time to consider the meaning behind that dangerous glint, as Zoro sheathed his swords and shoved him, as though to punctuate the end of his sentence.

Sanji went tumbling down the stairs to the beer cellar below the deck, screaming profanities as Zoro as he went down.

"See? What did I tell you, slinky swirly? You dared call me a green-furred dog, didn't you? Well, WOOF WOOF MOTHERFUCKER!" **(2) **

"Moral of the story: Let sleeping dogs lie," Zoro strutted off, proud of his accomplishment.

* * *

Sanji felt content, despite the big bundle of bandages wrapped around his head – courtesy of Chopper, and no thanks to Zoro.

He had never enjoyed his birthday as much as he did now, and to hell with his injury.

Nami had given him a coupon that allowed him to get a bigger share of the crew's finances whenever they went ashore.

Robin had gotten him a brand-new set of utensils, all polished shiny and in pristine condition.

Usopp and Franky had done a complete makeover on his kitchen, even going so far as to install a seastone lock on the pantry and fridge so that Luffy couldn't steal the meat.

Brook got him an expensive collection of aged wine, that Sanji knew was of the finest quality, even if he hadn't tasted it.

Chopper and Luffy gave him an entire container full of rare herbs and fish.

And the fact that Luffy had restrained himself from even touching his cake and food, was more than enough for Sanji.

To him, this birthday was nothing short of perfect, so far. With a content smile on his face, Sanji reached out for Zoro's present and unwrapped it hastily.

He felt as though there was nothing that could ruin his mood.

His grin only grew wider when he saw a cookbook of Summer Island's unique cuisine peeking out at him from underneath the wrapper.

Truly, he knew nothing could ruin his mood today, absolutely nothi-

He was wrong.

Hidden in the deepest crevices of the wrapped present, carefully placed underneath the cookbook was an innocent-looking, multi-coloured...slinky.

Sanji's content look morphed into a glare at a speed that would've made a cheetah jealous.

Slowly, he turned his deadly glare onto Zoro's smirking form.

How unfortunate…that he was going to have to kill someone- err…something, more like a green-furred dog, today, on his special day, his birthday.

Well, woof woof to you too.

"YOU BLOODY PRICK!"

* * *

_End_

* * *

**Pride: Woof woof. Heh, this one was particularly fun to write. As for the references, (1) is a reference to Ivy, an OC in DangoCorn's "A New Mellorine". (2) is an awesome badass catchphrase **(just realized these three words start with 'a', 'b' and 'c'…cool huh?) **that Dango and I came up with…in our random conversations. **

**May good fortune rule over you  
Peace live in your heart, and  
May the stars watch over you**

**And of course, woof woof. **

**\- Yours truly, Pride**


End file.
